[Albert Lionheart]

Not so much a tale from the toolroom; more a tale from the roadside.
I have an ancient motor which is fitted with a remote locking and immobiliser thingy (it also closes any electric window or roof left open when you lock it which is useful in this sh ite weather) but which I have not dared to use since it got stuck on in a somewhat embarrassing situation a year or so ago. I found the manual for it the other day so thought that at least it might be worth the price of a small battery to see if I can get it to work. I did not bother to read the manual at the time as I thought I knew better, turned it all on and pressed the lock button. No problem - worked first time. Pressed the unlock button and the alarm went off and it did not unlock.
'This is what happened a couple of years ago,' I think to myself glaring at this thing making the most awful racket, but I refuse to panic. Neighbours heads are beginning to appear at windows. Keep pressing the unlock button; alarm keeps ringing; car still locked. Beginning to get a bit stressed by this as it won't be long before someone comes and offers to help - well that's what they will say, but what they really mean is that I am disturbing the peace and they want to watch the cricket or whatever without this offensive noise. So, I stopped pressing the unlock button and unlocked the car with a key (which sets off the alarm again) and turned it off with the master key - peace. I note the manual on the passenger seat and have a look to seek further enlightenment.
O. It appears that the button I was using to unlock the car is in fact a panic button which will set off the alarm whether the car is locked or not, so every time I pressed it to unlock the thing, I set the alarm off. Once I had read that to unlock the car you press the same lock button again everything was peace and joy. And "Spit 'n Catchit" next door can go back inside to whatever he does in there. I think he grows stuff.
Moral - RTFM (see below if you need to find out)

































RTFM - Read the flipping (or suitable expletive) manual

[Blackmirror]

Men never read manuals Albert
remember when VCRS came out ?

[Albert Lionheart]

I do - I made the kids set it up!

[Dr Strangelove]

LMAO

there's one that goes off regularly in my street - gawd knows why. I called the police once and they said they wouldn't "investigate" [their word not mine ] unless I saw someone breaking in.

[Albert Lionheart]

You know those remote control mains sockets you can get - well they operate on the same frequency as the car remotes, wireless front door bells and also WiFI - so it is possible for any of these to unlock a car - or for that matter for someone locking their car to ring someone's doorbell, turn the lights off and mess up their wireless network all with a single press of a button. Cool.
I know someone who set up a mate's house so that when he pressed the remote for the sockets, it rang his doorbell and turned the lights on as well. Ho got a bit confused with that.

[Blackmirror]

25 Body Hacks to Supercharge Yourself

Boost Your Car Remote with Your Head
If you forget where you parked and your key remote signal is not strong enough to help you find the car, there is a simple trick to amplify the signal and increase your chances of easily finding it. Simply place the remote under your chin, open your mouth and press the button. Your oral cavity will amplify the signal and with any luck, you'll locate your car immediately.

[Albert Lionheart]

Sounds useful - I find that by wearing a colander on my head it has the same effect but with the added benefit of providing some cranial protection should some light footed ne'er do-well come upon me on his toes in an attempt to bash me on the bonce, thereby relieving me of my said electronic key and make off with the motor. The handles fill useful roles on each side for keeping bacon sandwiches fresh.

[Blackmirror]

You been toi the wozzle house Albert?

[Albert Lionheart]

Nope - not a drop tonight. Just a bit caffeined up.
Be good, sleep tight, etc etc

[Blackmirror]

Yes im so tired
time to hug my pillow and dream

nite nite xxxx

[Albert Lionheart]

Right - back on topic again. Off to read another manual.