[Albert Lionheart]

A young blonde Newcastle girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Newcastle quayside.

As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.
"You're not thinking of jumping, are you pet?" he asked.
"Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.
Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.
"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what, I'm sailing off for America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night, and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean."
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night.
For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.
Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and it's lifeboats...
He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.
The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America . One of the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and water every night ... and he's screwing me."
The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his face and he replied...
"He certainly is pet, this is the South Shields Ferry!"

[Blackmirror]

Oh ALbert
Blushes

Had to be a blonde joke

[Albert Lionheart]

Wodja mean Donna - blushes? Are you still in the Sheringham Lifeboat?? Naughty Naughty Naughty!

[Blackmirror]

Shhhhh ALbert im hding
Im on a surfer hunt

[Albert Lionheart]

You might find one in Hunston but thats about it for Norfolk, I think. Why a surfer - what's the matter with me? Am I not good enough for you any more, Donna?

[Blackmirror]

I like a man in a wetsuit
Only looking Albert


Two surfers are at getting ready to paddle out: Surfer one: “Hey, guess what! I got a new longboard for my wife!” Surfer two: “Great trade!!!!”

4 guys are discussing how they get their wives to let them surf every Sunday morning. The first says “Every Saturday night I take my wife out to an expensive dinner”. The second says “Every Saturday I clean the house for my wife”. The third says “Every Saturday I let my wife go shopping and she can buy whatever she wants.” The fourth guy looks at the other three and just shakes his head. “You guys got it all wrong.” On Sunday morning I get up at 5:00am, shake my wife and say surfing or intercourse?


Moondoggie and three of his surfing buddies have gone surfing every Saturday for nearly thirty years. One Saturday, the guys are surfing near a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Moondoggie lays down his pool, stands up on his board and places his hand over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down on his board and waits for the next wave. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of ‘em finally speaks up and says, “that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by.” Kent replied, “It seems the least I could do seeing as how I’ve been married to the woman for over thirty years!”

[Albert Lionheart]

Difficult to carry out a meaningful relationship when one of you is wearing a wetsuit.